Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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