Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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