i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
