how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
