If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she pinky promised me she was 18
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
