oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
