a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
