I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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