People with herpes should wear stickers.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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