my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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