Best friends brother. Beat that.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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