Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
