I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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