A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
