we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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