And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
