she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
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You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
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I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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