i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
