yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
