i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
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Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
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"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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