i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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