My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
