Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
