i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
