he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
