she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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