my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
