It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
