How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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