I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
