I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
