theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
