You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
