if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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