She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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