can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
