im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
