You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
