do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
