My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
