i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
