My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
