What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
sex in a hospital.. check
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
