White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
