Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
