Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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