I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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