My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
