I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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