Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
