break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
