I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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