erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
