I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
