I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
