I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
