he was CRYING into my vagina
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
