he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
