Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
