I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
