Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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